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My story of loss and gain (part2)

Once we got to the ambulance I think the adrenaline of the moment was waking me up because I began to be more awake and coherent. The EMT started an IV of fluids. I was so unbelievably cold and thirsty. I couldn't stop saying it, I am sure I was super annoying but it was insane. As they were wheeling me out of the ambulance I felt what I think was the biggest clot I had released yet and I will always wonder if that was the baby. Unfortunatley I spent the next almost hour sitting in the ER hallway. I had blankets on me but I was still naked so I could just pull back the covers and see. I was hoping to see when I got my own room but somehow the padding was thrown away in the process of transferring me to the bed. So now I will never know. It took a while to get a room because other more life threatening people came in right after me. It wasn't so bad at that point because the EMTs stayed with me until I got a room and they were very attentive and kind, refilling my ice chips as fast as I could eat them.

The real trouble was when I got my own room. I went in to the hospital because I passed out but it was like no one even cared why I was there. I was just a miscarriage patient. And due to covid my husband couldn't come in with me. So there I was lying on a bed by myself. I had to pee but I have no idea where the bathroom is, nor should I be getting up at this point. (come to find out it was right beside me the whole time in my room) And I had no way of calling anyone for help. I came in naked so I didn't have a phone or anything. I was just stuck there alone.

Finally a lady came in to give me an ultrasound. She was very kind, and told me where the toilet was but I had to tell her I came in because I passed out... I am not sure I should be getting up myself. She was very awkward at helping me but she did and then gave the ultrasound. But she took my pad in the process. So there I was again lying in a room with the door closed all by myself. Scared I am going to pass out again. No Nurse button or anything. And in the process of using the restroom she unhooked my monitors so the machines are beeping because they can't read my stats and still no one is coming to check on me. I just laid there and prayed while bleeding all over myself.

Eventually a young man came in looking so ashamed. I asked him for a pad and he was apparently the to restock my room so he found a menstrual pad which was not going to cut it and mesh underwear. I asked if he could help me use the restroom (The fluids and ice chips were going straight through me!) and he looked like a ghost. He said he would call my nurse. I don't even know how long later and a nurse finally came to help me. Someone also delivered a bag my mom had brought to me of my belongings including my phone. So now I felt a little better that I could call my husband or 911 if I felt close to passing out again.

The doctor came in later and said I was over the hump of losing my baby but I still had more blood and clots to release. He warned to come back if I went through more than 2 pads every 2 hours which I thought was a joke because I was already going through that...that's why I passed out and why I was there. He also said that I was anemic at the point but not dangerously low and that I still 3 points to go before it got serious and I should be fine and sent me home.

I was feeling better by this point, I think the IV fluids helped stabilize me. The next day I bleed almost as much as the day before. So I was back in the tub with Chris hardly leaving my side this time. By the evening the bleeding slowed down to where I could just wear a pad.

Sunday I spent the day in bed resting in bed. I can't really remember that day at all actually. And then came Monday.

So Monday morning I woke up , felt horrible and continued to lay in bed. Chris came to bring me breakfast, so I sat up and he put the plate on my lap and then left the room to take care of the kids. I sat there looking at my food and I sobbed. I felt so awful, I had no energy and just so lifeless. This is when I was thinking this is nothing like what I thought a miscarriage would be like. I knew there would be pain (Which i actually never felt) and I knew it would be sad but I didn't realize how absolutely crappy I would feel even days later. I tried to lift my arm to take a bite of food and realized I literally had no energy. Just that simple task was too much for me. I needed help. I slowly moved my thumb around lazily enough to text Chris that I needed him. Moments later he was by my side as I explained to him how I felt. I could tell by the look on his face I didn't look well either.

He fed me what I could eat and then we started to talking about what to do. Because my hospital experience was so awful I was really scared to go back and be a lone again. I already had an appointment at the birth center to get my blood levels checked but we weren't sure if I should just go straight to the hospital or wait for the appointment. Eventually we decided to wait. Chris called a friend to watch the kids so that he could stay by my side the whole time. We finally went to the center and the midwife agreed that I looked awful. I was VERY pale, with no pink in my gums or eyelids. She took my blood and sent to the lab but we wouldn't get results until the next morning. She did offer to give me IV fluids again which we gladly accepted. The fluids perked me up a bit. We talked about anemia and that I just needed to rest rest and rest some more and eat a very iron rich diet as well as iron supplements.

The next morning we got the results and I was definitely low on blood, 3 points lower than Friday, but not quite enough for a transfusion, which was bittersweet. A transfusion would probably have helped me recover faster but it isn't without risks and it would mean more time in the hospital alone. She told me recovery would be 6 to 12 weeks!! I was stunned! Just to be clear, I have birthed all 5 of my babies naturally at home. I understand the postpartum period, this was so much worse than that for me and I was doing it all without a precious baby to distract me.

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